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So I have stuck with Paleo and crossfit and I am down about 30 pounds or so. Had some serious slip-ups this week but I will force myself to get back to Paleo eating. Because holy hell, it works, and I'm only about halfway to where I want to be. 140 would be a heavy-ish normal. "Normal" according to the bmi charts for me would be 125. I think at 125 I would look unhealthy. as I gain muscle, I rather like my curves. I have a decent butt, nice calves, small-but-nice breasts. Trying to tone up thighs, upper arms, and hips, as that's where the fat is clinging stubbornly.
Today men are frustrating me. Well, more specifically, D. I found some silly little buttons while I was cleaning and thought he'd like them. So I told him I had something small for him and if he had his same office I could leave it on his corkboard. He suggested I meet him at lunch (which is really rare since we don't have similar schedules any more) so I said I'd like to, although I was planning to go for a lettuce wrap or a salad but I could wait a bit. He said he'd have 15 minutes and he'd be out by the krishnas, i said ok. He said his new gf would be there and said he'd rather have what I was going to go for. I replied "I'd be cool with you joining me but I don't think I'm up for dealing with new and probably awkward." He said "I wasn't saying for [gf] to join. I'm literally just sitting out here waiting for you. [GF] has to go shortly."
So I walk out toward there and I'm trying to find him. I see him sitting with someone so I lurked around trying to figure out if the person was gf or another friend of his. He spots me and starts walking toward me with the person who is obviously a girl. So I turn and walk very quickly for his office, leave the envelope and go get lunch. I text him "Hmm. Well, envelope is on your board. I'm headed to dg." "And I'm not happy that me saying "hey not up to this today" got read as "let me try to force her anyway"." "And that sucks because I did want to see you today. Oh well."
Later I texted him "Hope you like the buttons. Found them while I was cleaning and thought you'd appreciate them more than I." and then "If you have time I'm on break 3:45-4:00."
I got back "Sorry, in a meeting now. I've been teaching/meeting and haven't responded yet. Sorry" He passed by me as I was walking to my car and I KNOW he saw me. Still haven't heard anything yet.
I'm pissed because I don't like surprises and I said "I'm not up to this today". I feel like he showed me disrespect; it doesn't matter if he said "hey let me introduce her" or if she asked, he knew I didn't want to do that today. Plus, we had already discussed me meeting her and agreed it was awkward, so it's not like he didn't know my feelings. Maybe it was rude of me but I just wanted to see him, not make small talk with a girl I don't know and don't really want to know. She got mad at him for something she found on his computer and hacked his twitter account to post dozens of nasty tweets. You can't tell me there's not a cache of that somewhere. I'm sorry but I really doubt she can change that much that fast. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could pick her up and throw her over my head.


Also tomorrow I have to figure out the best way to tell a guy I appreciate his invitation but I'm not accepting (and basically I'm friend-zoning him). Sigh. He's nice, sort of, but he just puts me off a little somehow. Something about him just tells me that I can't trust him.

My favorite fighter at practice commented that it was good that I came to practice wanting to fight and I wasn't acting like a groupie. I told him that I was here to fight, and if I wanted something else, I'd've asked for it, but not while I was here to fight. Now any other time, he's sexy and I'd go for him but I almost feel like he was warning me off.

Men, how do they work?!
Really need to get back on the diet thing, as I have stocked my fridge again. When my brother and Lindsay leave for their new home in Vermont, I may be able to.
In other news, family's situation is bleh. Don't want to go into details, but financially it may be tough for a while. Really need a job and am still looking in Gainesville. I saw the house my friend has offered and it's plenty big for me although it will need a good bit of cleaning (I'm assuming that's from the last "tenant"). Can't bitch about the rent though.
Got doll stuff finished and sent. Deadline isn't until 16th so ahead of schedule. Am also doing triathalon and ran too close last time so need to work on #2 tomorrow.

Thoughts:
Things I want in a house: claw-foot tub, window seat, new plumbing, BOOKSHELVES, a real pantry, a closet that can be walked in facing forward.
If I ever have a wedding, bridesmaids' dresses = infinity dress. No hassle about styles really so long as we all agree on guidelines (ex shoulders covered, no halters, whatever).

Jul. 21st, 2011

I have been failing hardcore with the diet thing, mostly because I am lazy.
In other news JCP has crapped out on me: because of their computer glitch I lost my job AND my insurance. Doubleplusungood. Need a new job.
Also, want to move back to Gainesville. Or somewhere cool and not Jville. All I have here is my parents; all my friends have either moved away or moved on. I have only one tie here and they'll come see me during football season if I move back to gville.

I read over a few IM conversations I had with a former mistake of a boyfriend and dear god, why did I waste so much of my time?? Really must learn to cultivate self-reliance and friendships with other people to avoid stooping to those depths. I'm a little ashamed of myself.

Socks proceed apace. Need to do stuff for swap on doll forum. Third doll has arrived and she's gorgeous, but doesn't have the right wig or eyes yet. When I can afford it, I'll try to get things taken care of.

SBD: day 15 and musings

I'm a slacker with the whole diet thing. Yes, I know. I ate too many carbs yesterday - I think it was because I really wanted sushi and I didn't have it, so I ate more than I should have to make up for it. Oops. Today I had my sushi (wholefoods has surprisingly good sushi) and I had mochi yogurt for dessert - so dinner is salad + chicken, most likely.

Anyway, saw on someone's facebook the Tumbleweed tiny houses. I checked it out and was loving the Whitbey house. It's listed as a 461 sq ft plan, with a loft over the first floor (loft isn't counted because the sloping ceiling makes it "not habitable"). Part of me was plotting ways to scrape up the money and find an open piece of land, and then I realized something. My apartment is bigger than that house. I have roughly 600 sq ft, and I want to move into a house 2/3 the size of this place? Considering I complain frequently about how I never have enough room, it shook up my perspective. Maybe it's not that I don't have enough room, but that I don't have enough storage (that I have too much stuff is obvious and will go mostly without saying). Holy cow. 600 square feet! That's luxury! So I'm plotting/planning to reorganize a bit, using what I already have, since I can't afford to spend money, really. We'll see how this works out. I'm kind of excited.

SBD: day 12?

Missed a couple days there. Whoops. I cheated some but I think so long as I try to make carbs no more than 33% of my diet I can probably still lose weight. Today, of course, I blew it, mostly because I was too busy reading to cook. Bad habit that. Also blew off running for a few days, so tomorrow I'm going to have to pay. Eek.
I do think that refined sugar, particularly in stuff like marshmellows, gives me a really bad crash. And not just in the "wow i'm tired" sense but in the "I'm depressed, the world and everyone hates me and I have no friends" sense. Obviously I can't do large amounts of sugar because: a) I want more of it (probably to stave off the crash) and b) I get all depressed when I do crash. Neither are good.

Having issues with my side job. Really need a source of income; things are getting a bit dire. Well, from my standpoint. Need to have outside income coming in rather than using up my savings, which I DO NOT like doing.

SBD: day 10

10:13 am
yay lost 1.3 pounds! I'm about half way to my first goal of losing 10 pounds. I know several people say you shouldn't weight yourself every day but for me it's the carrot and the stick. The carrot, in that I get to see how well I've done, and the stick, because I'm going to see if I messed up. besides seeing that number go down encourages me to stick to this because it's actually working.

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SBD: day 9

9:44am
lost 1.1 pounds according to w.f. (I think part of that is clothes). I'm still trying to figure out why the weight loss decreased. I'm thinking maybe vitamins?
Totally punked out on my middle interval and my last one was only 1:30 rather than 1:45. I also woke up later (8:30) so I didn't get out until 9:10. Too hot to do crap like that! ugh. shower then breakfast time.

12:48 am
Tried to be really good today - ate chicken for lunch and lots of veggies. Tried not to eat too many nuts. Took my vitamins. We'll see how it turns out tomorrow.

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SBD: day 8

8:58 pm
didn't lose any weight yesterday. Can't think of why except maybe too many nuts? I'm still craving salt mostly, and sometimes sweet. Not sure if that means I need more water (although it seems like I'm always drinking water). I did have some coke zero yesterday, two cans, one at lunch and the other trying to make it into a slushie (which didn't work). Tried to be good today, I've had about 1.5 servings of nuts but haven't had any meat. Over a week on this diet and I still just don't care for meat. I maintain that meat's more difficult to cook well and I don't like it as well as veggies or starches. Go figure. Don't know what else I can do though, since apparently that's part of my eating problem. I really wish I didn't have to eat. It's become a burden. Not that I want to starve myself because I want to be thin - it's just annoying to constantly have to question what and how much and when and in which combinations...I'd rather just have someone stick an IV in me and I'll eat only if I want to.
Planning to have spaghetti squash and one of those chicken breasts for dinner. Still haven't figured out how to reheat the chicken without getting jerky. Meat. ugh.

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Rant: marriage

One of my favorite bloggers, Yarn Harlot, mentioned in her annual Canada Day post, that one of the things that made her proud about her country is that same-sex marriages are legal.
I'm going to give my opinion here, with the rider that I welcome thoughtful comments (with citations, please) but not flames. Click if you wish to proceed.
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